scopings the drape

meh
i'm so fucking tired of this shit. i like being retired and i don't want to go back to some job. for what? self-gratification? nah. still gonna die with or without. i quit smoking but i'm still gonna die. i quit drinking but i'm still gonna die. i drive safe, got married, eat well and i'm still dying yet. no matter what happens it's always the same. i'm still gonna die.
that's why i aint in no big fucking hurry to get in a big fucking hurry to get to nofuckingwhere faster than i already am because after all... so get off my fucking back about it already and i threw my back out two days ago anyway so fuck off.

but my point was the background noise that has migrated past the threshold of auditory awareness like the ambient sound of dallas on a wet night is now forcing itself into my sleep and disrupting my chi making me grumpy and setting a restlesstude of spirit adrift behind my eyes. i hate it. it's very negative and deliberate in it's force and i can only hope it away for to lean into it would be to invite blooding and troubles around the house which is so unworth it. other solution would be to move further out.

still, reading helps and cormac mccarthy is one of my favorite writers. been getting my mind around delillo for a while now. pynchon, barth, marquez and others. english the way it really works, the way it really is, the way it really paints. i actually bought the latest edition of War & Peace a week ago and there it sits eyeballing me from the shelf like a mad russian. never read it but it's there, waiting for me to tackle this new translation as i find more time to stretch my neurons. thousand+ page tomes don't scare me and i think the translation will be interesting reading.
the weight gain is bumming but with the new togs for the dogs, traversing trail heads is becoming more routine and getting easier. i'm only 20 pounds over since i quit smoking but i aint used to it so i gotta get balanced better. the doctor says eh, could be a lot worse. keep humping the trail.
but if i have to i will go back to work but only if i absolutely have to one way or another i'm going to avoid punching a clock again.